the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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