sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
