my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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