He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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