thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
