My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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