So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
