Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
