I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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