I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
