the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I forget how to act sober
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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