that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
