ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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