Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize