hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
