We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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