His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
