Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
