Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
