I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
