so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I touched a dick in church today
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
