How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
