Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
