I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
