I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
