why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
