i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
