We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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