i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
