you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
