im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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