WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
