we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
