Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
