I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
