Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
