I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
