This dress was meant to end up on your floor
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
