Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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