Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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