I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
