and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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