She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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