ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
