that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
