so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
