And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
