I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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