I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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