dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's always time for handjobs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
