There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize