I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am one with the molecules
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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