I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
