I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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