Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
