My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
