bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
