guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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