like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
