Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
