I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
