so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
