I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
