In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize