i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
