Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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