You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
