Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
