dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
