Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
