we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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