I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
