I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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