i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
