Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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