She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
