More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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