Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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