I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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