How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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