I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
